I have been away… As all of you know; I have been ” dark away”…
I have decided to let all negativity behind me and to only focus on my new works because in my opinion, ONE single doll of mine, mustn’t prevent me to sculpt the dozens of new ones which are haunting my mind.
So, I leave her behind me. I take her as a test which was not to be born and now move on.
About 10 days on my own led me to a pretty big mess on my work table as you can see…
There is a head, which doesn’t belong to me. I have no more rights on it. She is a complete and entire gift to someone I love extremely; as this person is me and I am her…
She will do whatever she wants of it. All I wanted was to please this person and she smiled so I am more than glad..
There is another, but complete this time, elf. A BJD too, which will be a miniature in porcelain quite soon I hope. It will reduce a lot due to the shrinkage of Porcelain and will end up as a tiny BJD :
There are faces… The half closed eyed Clarisse that I like the most. She is my favourite and will fit the new BJD body I made. The sweet Claudia with her ethnic style, the Dias de Lost Muertos head, still very in progress, half a skull half a woman…
And there is, on the body which will be used for the previous heads, “That”.
That is a very important doll to me that I have in mind since months. She might be quite shocking for many people but I think she needed to be done. And I am going to explain why :
What monstrousness is about?
Yes, That is a sort of monster. She has the face of it; but where do stand real monsters? In a face appearance? Or in the inner self of people?
Have you never heard people whilst elbowing ribs in the street, saying ” Look! What’s That?“
Well THAT is only someone different. And for them to make right away conclusions about the inner self of this person. In fact, this is what Racism is all about. We are a frightened and nervous breed; we NEED to be comforted and to feel secure so we tried to find answers as children would : what has a distinctive difference must be related to its inner nature.
Black People are black therefore Evil. Indian too. Ugly People too. Handicapped ones also. But it would be too easy huh?
Evilness resides where it cannot be seen, where resides those 21 grams we all have and that I lost, and why I sculpt to get them back.
Once I cried in front of an very old and most close friend. He knows everything about me till my darkest thoughts to my most vibrant hopes. He followed me beyond the bounds of sanity and after that beyond the bounds of madness, without dropping my hand ever.
When he saw I cried, he said ” Tonight I learnt that Monsters cry too.”
For I am known to be a Monster, I am different from most of People, I have a very bad temper, I have been through things no one would believe without being afraid, I am strong as a gladiator THOUGH I am afraid of the crowd, I like to hide, and always remain wild.
When this most beloved friend said so; I understood he said something most important :
Monsters of all kinds, even visual monsters cry. They feel pain. They are desperate too. They can sob as kids without can help it. They are hurt. They are heart broken.
And this very night this friend made me understand my fear of People : I saw, in my youth, beautiful people that if you’d know what resides in their 21 grams it would prevent you to sleep even with a locked door. It would make you yell for you’d be horrified. Those people were NORMAL people. With a normal body, a normal even quite attractive face, a normal life, a normal speech…
This is the reason why I have always been attracted by different or ugly people. It makes me feel secure.
How paradoxical is this?
This doll to be is to me very beautiful. She stirs me. And even though a “Monster”, she cries for she is heart broken.
I could, if she’d exist for real, take her in my arms and kiss her right on the mouth. Because I know how it feels to be so. Because she has the right to get some Love. Just Because…
All I see in her is something very unusual and very attractive… I can’t help with it.
Always keep in mind that “Monsters” cry too. Because they also Love.
It is time now for me to go to do something I do not love : plaster molds… *sigh*… But it’s a part of the porcelain game.
Before leaving, another in progress doll from this week, to make my readers feel secure showing them something they are used to see from me but which cries too 🙂